Friday, July 25, 2014

Times change, Things change, People change

Hi everyone!

It has been over a month, I believe, since I last wrote. It has been a crazy few weeks, with moving house and all. It is currently 10:56 pm, and I just feel like I need to talk about this. It has been bothering me for a while now, pretty much since I came home to Curacao. I am in Curacao at the moment for vacation, and it is great! I love seeing my family everyday, and getting to talk to my mom and my dad and spend time with my brother. But, lately, I feel like everyone I knew from high school and uni don't feel interested in meeting up with me. I know it's silly, because everyone goes their separate ways after graduating high school, but it just makes me feel less important. I probably sound sad, but I just wanted to put it out here. I know there are more people that feel the same way. Obviously things have changed, and I understand that completely, but sometimes I wish the change wasn't that big. I have my best friend here, who happened to have flown the same day as me. But she came with her boyfriend, who (even though he's been here several times) hasn't seen every part of Curacao. So, they have their plans and they do fun stuff together. Also, because she lives in Belgium, she has a whole other clique of friends. I have met all of them on the few times I have visited her, and they seem like fun people. What bothers me a little is that one of the friends is also from Curacao, and so they have become very close and there are so many things I have missed out on. They know about each other's current lives, while I always have to hear about it later on. It may sound selfish, but I enjoyed how it was before everything changed. I miss not having to check up on people to see whether they are in the mood to go do something, or make sure that their partners are comfortable, or whatever. I miss just calling them and making a plan then and there to go out, or do something fun. Now, I feel like I can't go out anymore, because there is always someone that is too exhausted from laying on the beach the whole day, or being out with friends. I guess the reason why I feel like this, is because I don't have anyone else to talk about this to. I have my brother and my cousins, but it isn't the same as having a sister or a girl cousin. My ideal vacation would be to explore my own island, and get to see things and places I haven't been yet. But I can't do any of these by myself. I have been by myself for 11 months, and it sucks. Honestly, I feel more alone now than I did in Heerlen (where I was alone pretty much everyday). It just sucks. It hasn't been an easy month for me, and I was hoping that being here would take my mind off of it. I'll give you an update on how it has been before I came to Curacao, the whole moving day disaster.

I was meant to move on July 1st, but I had gotten permission to move a few days early. It was great, and so I started planning my things, reserving a moving truck, packing up everything, disassembling my bed and all. So, it is officially moving day, and I make my way to the buss stop. I stand there like an idiot for 20 minutes. The bus never came, so I checked on my phone to see what other buses where riding the same route. I start walking towards the other buss stop, and (just my luck) the bus I am meant to take drives past me. I already knew that I was going to miss it, and indeed I did. Feeling like crap, walking back to the first buss stop, I get this feeling like it is not going to be the best of days. (My gut was telling me, and, boy, was it right!) I finally get to the car rental place, wait in line for God know how long, and when I finally get my turn, they tell me they can't rent me the truck because my license doesn't indicate that I've had it for more than 2 years. I swear I could have ripped the man's head off. I tried explaining the man that I have had my license for over 5 years, and that the licenses in Curacao expire every 5 years, opposed to the 15 years in Holland. He said he still couldn't rent it out to me, because they have to follow the rules, and there is no way I could prove him wrong. I walked out that place so pissed off and clueless that I started crying. Can you imagine sitting at a buss stop crying like a little kid because you couldn't have something that everyone else have no problem getting? A simple moving truck! I had to haul everything I owned by myself by foot, by bicycle, and by bus. It was the test of my life!! The one lesson I did not expect having to experience so soon. I learned, in those two days of hell, how strong I was as a person. I cried countless times, and got frustrated way too much, but I did it. And, yet, after all that, I didn't feel all that happy. Whenever I would share this story with others, they would laugh at me like it was funny. Like moving a freaking bed frame and the mattress through a park and passed strangers was a joke. I can say that I hit one of the biggest challenges of my life withing those couple of days. I can say that I am capable of anything, because what other people find funny, I found a lesson well learned. Anyway, even after that I had the next steps of getting my butt to Curacao. I had planned every route, every train to the airport, making sure that I got there on time. Thankfully, that went well. I made it to the airport in one piece, and the flight was long as hell, but I made it. Now I just have to make the best of it, even though there isn't much to do here. And everyone I know has a partner, so either way I will always be third wheeling it. Great! Third wheel! I should make it a profession. I'm always third wheeling. But I digress!

Anyway, I just wanted to let it out. It has been bothering me and eating at me for a while, and the only way I know I can be completely honest about it is if I write about it. So that is what I am doing, and sharing with you guys. I hope I don't come off douchey, or sad. Sometimes you just feel like a little blob who needs some tlc. Oh well, I'll talk to you again some other time. Probably when I'm back in Holland. I think then I'll be able to tell you about how the vacation went, and what I ended up filling my time with.

It is always great sharing things with you, and I hope you enjoy reading it. Just remember that when life gets rough, there is always a way to beat it. Stay safe, and see you later!
Nini